My vanilla friends don’t know I’m in the lifestyle. I’m confident of this because if they did, they’d bombard me with a million curious questions.
Last week, one of these friends suggested we try a “new” restaurant. It wasn’t actually new; we just don’t typically go so far out of our way for lunch. Though I found it a bit odd, I agreed.
The restaurant was waterfront, and my friend insisted we sit outside. As soon as we were seated, she turned to face the bar, watching the waitstaff. Her attention landed on a petite brunette, who appeared to be around 30 years old. She told us that her husband had brought her here twice in the past few weeks, and on both occasions, this same brunette was their waitress.
She confided that she found it strange her husband wanted to return, considering the food wasn’t particularly good. When she noticed what she thought was a flirtatious exchange between him and the waitress, her suspicion grew.
I observed the waitress as she moved confidently from table to table, chatting easily with customers. She exuded professionalism and warmth, laughing often and seeming genuinely engaged with everyone she served.
I reminded my friend that it’s normal for people to enjoy the attention of someone they find attractive—it’s human nature. Feeling flattered by a friendly interaction doesn’t mean someone is cheating or even considering it. Sometimes, it’s just a moment of connection that boosts their confidence and brightens their day, nothing more.
I shared with her how I’ve learned to let go of my insecurities and stop seeing every friendly interaction as a potential threat. The lifestyle has taught me that trust and confidence are far more powerful than suspicion. I’ve seen firsthand how much easier relationships become when you let go of jealousy and focus on the bond you share with your partner.
I pointed out that her husband might simply enjoy the attention from a cute, confident waitress, just as many of us do when someone takes the time to engage with us warmly. At the same time, the waitress is simply doing her job well—being friendly, personable, and making her customers feel welcome. It’s a win-win dynamic that doesn’t have to mean anything more than that.
By the end of lunch, my friend seemed to relax a little, and I could tell she was mulling over what I’d said. Maybe she saw things in a new light, or maybe she just needed someone to remind her that not every smile or compliment is a red flag. I left that lunch feeling grateful for the lessons the lifestyle has taught me—about trust, letting go of jealousy, and understanding that not every interaction needs to be a problem.
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